I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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