I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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