You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
