The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
