I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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