I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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