i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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