i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
