God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
