You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
