Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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