I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
