Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
