I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
