First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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