Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
