youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
