My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
