I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
