Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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