Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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