cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
