My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
