Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it was like eating out sand paper
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
