I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
