I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
