Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
