I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
