he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
