"it" just moved
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he thought i was a dude.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
