Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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