The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
