I have demons in me.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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