Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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