I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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