The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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