i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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