I didn't shave. On purpose
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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