ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
