the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
