he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I FOUND THE LEGS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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