He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
