Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
