my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
