get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
