I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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