Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
