I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize