How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Two words: nipple clamps
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