my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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