I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
