opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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