Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
