Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
