I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
