i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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