i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
