I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My bed smells like the plague
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
