i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize