She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My bed smells like the plague
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