wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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