Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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