At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
