i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
