I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize