im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
organizing the empties. That sober.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
