I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
