Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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